i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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