Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
