Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
