I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
