My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
