Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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