Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
