The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
