Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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