Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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