Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
