I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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