I wish life had little blips of pornography
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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