I just saw a hot homeless man
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
