Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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