yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize