how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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