oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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