i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
