so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
