Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
