its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
