I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
