waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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