Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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