she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
