i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
