The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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