She's JV to your varsity
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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