oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
