he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
