I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
