Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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