After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
