With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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