Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
