you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
