It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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