dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
