I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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