I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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