i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
