You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bring me that man meat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
