Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
