just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize