Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
