DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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