It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
