Can Purell be used as lube?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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