i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
