What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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