Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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