I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
