So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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