The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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