They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
