Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
