if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
