I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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