seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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