I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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