I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
