a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
