We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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