Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
