mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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