Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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