garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
