After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
