Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
