Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
