I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
