oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize