so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
