The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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