She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
