this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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