dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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