I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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