WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize